Teach Me How To Turtleneck... YAY

Ask and ye shall receive. @annlupo, I give you turtlenecks. Once viewed as conservative and only useful to cover hickeys, this item of clothing is making a surrious comeback this season. Yes. I said it. Turtlenecks are cool again. Yay. Some of you may be hesitant to dabble in this trend because you worry about looking like you're hiding a vampire bite, or worse, like your childhood Sunday school teacher.  Fear not... as always, I have answers for you.

Concerned about looking like you walked off the set of Star Trek? Try a cowl neck. Still trendy, but less scary. Here, the chunkier the sweater, the better. (The goal is to get a person to date you, not the sweater.)  If chunky is your thang (yup it's mine), there are also tons of options this season with a true turtleneck.

Didja know that turtlenecks can be sexy? Oh yeah. Look for a sleeveless style if you're interested in trying out the trend but don't want to loose your mojo. There is definitely something to be said about bare shoulders and a covered neck. Pair with a long pleated skirt or wide leg jeans.

If you're a little bit more classic, try a solid, well fitting style, tucked into skinny jeans with a skinny belt a la Audrey Hepburn. Instant lady boner. If you want to update the look, throw on an oversized vest. Or even better, a fur one. A pair of men's inspired shoes (loafers, oxfords...) will instantly pull the look together.

As far as accessories go, I personally think that unless executed impeccably, necklaces can be kind of awkward. If you have to do it, try something long and substantial. To be safe, stick to statement cuffs, big earrings, and cocktail rings!

Hickey on! (Now that you know how to hide them muahaha)

beige cowlneck: gap, chunky tneck: rag&bone via bergdorfs
sleeveless tneck:lauren by ralph lauren via nordstroms
black tneck:splendid via bergdorfs, orange belt: BE&D via shopbop
buckle bracelt: marc by marc via shopbop, agate cuff: charles albert via shopbop

It's Winter... Who Knew? NAY

I look forward to the cooler months because it means that I can break out my sweaters and boots.  Apparently not everyone feels the same.  With global warming upon us and summer-like weather hitting us two days away from December, peepz dressing appropriately for the seasons has gone out the window, resulting in a series of nays.  Please don't let the 60 degree weather confuse you while getting dressed in the morning... yes, it is still fall-almost-winter.  It is possible to dress so you won't overheat while still keeping with the proper season.

PAR EXEMPLE...
I'm all for throwing the "you can't wear white after Labor Day" rule out the window.  However, I just can't get behind stark white jeans in the middle of November.  If this happens to be your thang, maybe try some off white or ivory corduroys instead.  They are like omg so fall AND probably warmer than those jeans you wear in the summer.

Also, sandals are def not cool after it is officially fall... and def not cool after Thanksgiving.  (Sorry Katie).  Try flats, I bet you can even find a woven pair if your feet absolutely must breathe.  The new trend of men's style loafers and oxfords is pretty cool too if you feel daring.  If you're wearing a maxi (in an appropriate fabric and pattern of course) and feel as though wearing sandals is your only option... NAY... You are mistaken mi amigo.  A pair of booties with a lil heel or even a cool cowboy boot will do you even better.

If you decide to wear a sweater dress (and I mean an actual sweater dress, not a sweater worn as a dress), wear tights!  You're wearing the sweater dress because it is chilly, so bare legs seems like kind of a disconnect, roit? Wearing a sheer pair-o-tights is basically the same thing as going nekked legged, roit? Roit.  Except you will look chic for the impending cool weather.

I hope by this point it goes without saying no shorts in November? Or December? Or any fall/winter month for that matter?  UNLESS you wear tights under! This is a cool new trend that totally gets a YAY. Try experimenting with stockings in different colors and patterns!  Tights are an inexpensive way to stretch your wardrobe into the cooler months.  (Try to stick to dark washes if you're wearing denim or experiment leather, oh my!.... light washes can look summery).

Embrace the season! Get in those chunky sweaters and boots before it's back to cutoffs and tanks!

maxi dress: via ASOS, bootie: jeffrey campbell via shopbop,
studded loafter: urbanoutfitters, oxford: topshop, sweaterdress: juicy couture via piperlime,
purple stocking: american apparel, leather shorts: urbanoutfitters, black stockings: american apparel

strategic holiday dressing, YAY

On my walk to class this fine morning, I noticed a significant number of oversized sweaters on the females I passed.  Using my jedi powers, I gave each and every one of them a high five, as I myself was wearing a shirtdress to cover my Thanksgiving food baby that refuses to deflate.  While this strategic way of  dressing is critical in these holiday months when self control goes out the window, it is important to execute ensembles properly to avoid looking homeless (nay).  Naturally, I thought I would lay out a few guidelines to effectively conceal that gut (yay)....

If you choose to go the oversized sweater or shirt-dress route, make sure the rest of you looks put together. For example, try jeans (obvi a stretchy pair) instead of leggings or loose pants.  (My general formula is oversized on top = fitted on bottom).  Likewise, put on a pair of boots! You'd be surprised how much a pair of boots can clean up an outfit.

Now for those of you who don't have a sweater or shirt-dress option, don't fret I have idears for you too.  Stick to neutrals, cough dark colors cough, as bright colors draw attention to those problem areas... duh.  Scarves are a no brainer if you want to cover your tum - try playing with color here, a brightly colored scarf will divert attention to your beautiful face.  Vests are also a great option to create the illusion of a narrow waistline while still looking sophisticated.  Also try a fitted blazer... if the waist cinches in well above your hips and the jacket is left open you will be thanking me later.

Please do avoid anything that accentuates a f.u.p.a. (high waisted jeans, cropped sweaters without a layer under) and vertical stripes... eek.

For those of you who are visual learners...

sweater: urbanoutfitters, jeans: james jeans via shopbop, boots: madewell, t:kain label via shopbop, scarf: forever 21, blouse: topshop, vest: forever21

3-in-1 used to describe pants? NAY

It has recently come to my attention, via a lovely individual on twitter, that zip off pants still exist.

Remember once upon a time when they came into "coolness"circa 2000s? Myspace was just gaining footing, Heelys were becoming commonplace, and Solows without thongs was still happening.  Ah, the good old days.  Then, there were only two parts to the offending item of clothing.  Ya got pants, and with one zip... SHORTS! So practical its almost criminal.  As the trend caught on, makers of said pants got a lil carried away and added a second level of zippers. Now instead of pants and shorts, one could have an intermediate length, capris.  Finally, the practical minded consumer would be ready for whatever mother nature had in store, dog forbid it was too warm for pants and too cold for shorts!

I was under the impression that these 3-in-1 bottoms rolled out of style with Heelys and Myspace (unfortunately the yoga pants with granny panties is not yet under control), but sadly I was mistaken.  It is possible to spot a pair of these nylon babies often enough to raise concern. 

To all those rugged folk, who find comfort in the existence of these multi-functional and multi-offending pants, and will probably never hear my cries, DITCH THE ZIPOFFS.  Putting a pair of shorts in your hiking bag won't kill you.  Nor would keeping up with basic fashion trends.

Photo via EMS (obviously)